Parenting Help in Massachusetts

Who should stop the bullying

The Parent — Sun, 20 May 2012 22:50:09 +0000

Who should stop the bullying

In his recent ABC news opinion column, “Want to Stop Bullies?” Lee Dye cites new studies that claim that:

Girls are more likely than boys to intervene to stop bullying than boys are.
Girls intervene more because they’re expected to by their parents, best friends and favorite teachers.
Popular males are more likely to pick on weaker boys, while unpopular, weaker but aggressive boys are more likely to pick on girls.

Of course. So what? I’m glad Mr. Dye is speaking out and I share his desire to stop bullies and harassment, bullying and abuse in schools. The reason I’m sarcastic is that I think these studies, done by interviewing 269 middle school students in four schools in North Central Florida, are typical of the thought process and pseudo-scientific research that says that:

If we knew more we could design better programs to stop bullies.
There’s a simple formula, waiting to be discovered by further research that will tell us what to do so anyone, anywhere could use the blueprint and stop bullying in schools
We can’t have successful anti-bullying programs until we have more research.

However, these assumptions are all false and this research adds nothing we didn’t already know. And the generalizations they’ve already come up with are contradicted by evidence from the recent suicide deaths of four girls in Schenectady, New York.

We already know that getting the kids involved in anti-bullying programs is critical. We already know that it’s crucial to teach children what to do when they are bystanders and see bullying. In order to incorporate that knowledge into anti-bullying programs, we don’t need to wait until there’s more pseudo-science research to prove that point.

In summary, we know that it’s everyone’s job to stop bullying in schools and everyone’s help is necessary, especially the kids. No one group can make a program work if the other members of the local community resist or are uncaring. The programs in New Hampshire are only the latest reports documenting what we know already.

Successful programs have the seven elements crucial to success:

The programs specify acceptable and unacceptable behavior.
Children are taught specifically what to do if they’re bullied or if they’re bystanders.
The programs involve everyone – school board members, police, principals, teachers, administrative staff and bus drivers, the kids, and at least a vocal, core group of parents.
Consequences are clear and effective action rapid.
Courageous and proactive administrators, school principals and teachers.
Kids are also trained at home not to bully and how to stop bullies.
All steps are implemented simultaneously.

Anti-bullying laws are necessary to force reluctant or uncaring district administrators and principals to act. They’re also necessary to protect principals and teachers who do act from bullying parents who defend their little terrorists and threaten to sue the principal and school for harassing their little bully. That’s like in the Harry Potter series where Lucius Malfoy protects his vicious son, Draco.

The biggest problem in stopping bullies is not the lack of research about bullying: It’s the lack of skillful effort being put forth by the most caring people. At many schools, well-meaning principals and teachers need to join forces with a core group of parents to get programs in motion. At other schools, frustrated and angry parents need to rally other parents in order to force uncaring or cowardly school district administrators and principals to make effective school policies and then take act promptly and strongly.

Resources Cited: http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/DyeHard/Story?id=7517300&page=1

Ben Leichtling, Ph.D. is author of the books and CDs “How to Stop Bullies in Their Tracks,” “Parenting Bully-Proof Kids” and “Eliminate the High cost of Low Attitudes.” He is available for coaching, consulting and speaking. To find practical, real-world tactics to stop bullies and bullying at home, school, work and in relationships, see his web site and blog http://www.BulliesBeGoneBlog.com

Parenting on the View

Give them the values they need

The Parent — Sat, 19 May 2012 19:30:10 +0000

Give them the values they need

Values are the principles you viewed to be right and important in life. One of the important areas which parents must look into when raising kids is the imparting of values to their children. Although it sounds easy but to effectively imparting your values to your children can be difficult and it needs a lot of patience and time. Parents have great effects on a child’s future lifestyle, so it will be wise to develop a positive lifestyle for your kids to follow.

So what should you be doing in order to effectively impart your values to your little ones?

1. Your children learn from you

To “do as I say and not as I do” doesn’t apply to the children of the modern world. It will only be smart to set good examples for your kids to follow because they love to learn from you. So do consider the values you will like to see in your children so that you can set an example for them to learn and follow.

For example, if you like to see politeness in your kids, you would need to display politeness when communicating with them or other people. You have to be a polite person before your child can follow your step.

Take another example; if you want your child to be humble, you would have to be humble yourself. You should not be displaying a sense of arrogance or feel too proud when dealing with people. Always eat your humble pie when you commit a mistake to show your humility. That way, they will learn from your value and follow the way you deal with things.

2. Praises means approvals

When your kids display positive behaviours, you should not forget to praise them. Praising is important because it is one of the more effective ways in which you can show your approval to them. Your children feel good and proud when they are praised by you and with such good feelings, they will want to behave positively again and again.

3. Learn from others

Whenever you see suitable situation, you can point out the positive behaviour or misdeed done to your children. Teach them the value of the good deeds done and hence, they can learn from others. There are actually a lot of such situations you can make use of. These examples can be from TV, newspaper or even when you are out shopping with them.

One important point to take note is that never compare your little ones with another child who have just did something good. If he or she is belittled by your comments, you will only cause negative effects on your child’s mind.

4. Get your children to help

I’ve seen parents stopping their child from helping with the house chores because they have a maid at home. Without having to help out in the house, their kid may grow up not knowing how to help others and expect everything to be prepared for him or her.

When children are given the chances to help out in the house, they will develop a sense of responsibility in them. With the ability to fulfill their responsibilities, they can grow up more confidently.

Imparting values can be simple when raising kids. As long as you know how to set examples, expose them to good and bad behaviours, teach and praise them, you will be able to impart your values to them easily.

Jeff Boo is an Educator with many years of teaching experience and a Father of a pair of twins. Both he and his wife are very experience in handling children If you are truly concern about your children’s learning journey, log on to http://www.essentialsforparents.com and sign up for your FREE instant access to the Children’s Resources Centre!

Imparting Good Values

The Parent — Thu, 17 May 2012 02:10:08 +0000

Imparting Good Values

So what should you be doing in order to effectively impart your values to your little ones?

1. Your children learn from you

2. Praises means approvals

3. Learn from others

4. Get your children to help

How to burb your kiddo

The importance of being a great parent for the first 5 years!

The Parent — Tue, 15 May 2012 01:20:08 +0000

The importance of being a great parent for the first 5 years!

Providing the child the most optimal environment for developing his foundation for life can be a daunting period. You will not succeed. You will face obstacles seemingly out of your control, violence on TV as well as overwhelming propaganda, the limiting factor of the school system, the child and their piers and your short comings just to name a few.

One thing for sure is the best thing you can equip the child with for living life is for them to get that the measurement of success in life is in the amount of joy experienced. That is the condition the parents can influence their family to pursue. This is the greatest gift that can be instilled in children by any adult.

It is critical in my view that children have the self confidence that is strong enough to overcome the oftentimes brutal effects the institution of forced schooling can have on the child. The range of quality schools varies tremendously and generally speaking there are but a few that are enlightened enough to provide the kind of environment we are discussing here. Compulsitory schooling by nature is limiting not expansive. If a child leaves school with a sense of himself displaying all the confidence and enthusiasm for a satisfying and fulfilling life, the experience was worthwhile. This article isn’t about schools however; it is about providing some insight into the necessity of putting and keeping in place for the first five years of a child life the primary conditions for successful living.

You can not hide your child from all the elements of life that will be encountered, because that is part of life. Surprise will always be there. But you can assist a child in understanding the principles that can enable them to face any experience in a way that leaves them stronger in their sense of who they are, not less. You will make mistakes no matter what you do. And the advice you would give your child when they make a mistake in life will be by the way you handle the mistakes you make with them. For they learn by example. Children learn how ‘be’ by their observation of how others are being, especially their parents. How you ‘be’ matters more than you know.

Remember this, the body is a multi-sensory organism, and even as an infant, it is interpreting of over 400 billion pieces of data per second. That is difficult to comprehend. Based on the conclusions it has made to date, its beliefs and assumptions about life, the brain then is processing one hundred thousand chemicals sending them to the cells of the body. The point is you are incapable of fooling the child in terms of what it is reading in your behavior around them. If you are being inauthentic they will know. Even if they are not capable of reading you intellectually, they will read you emotionally. If the child learns that seeking happiness is the greatest pursuit, they will have learned it because they observed that you lived your life that way.

Okay, here is the good news. If our aim is to be joyful in life, we will have taught our children the most important and fundamental purpose of life. The natural unfolding will be the continuing discovery of what works to have a great life. The child and parent will discover along the way, everything that is necessary to live a life that allows all their dreams to come to pass. Happiness and joy is a state or condition in which freedom, no resistance, and love reign. It obeys the law of attraction as an absolute. It abides by the teaching, ‘do unto others as you would have them to undo you’, but never at the expense of your own happiness in life.

Long before I had my children I remember saying I wasn’t going to raise my mine the way I was raised. Matter of fact I’ve heard quite a few parents utter those words. Age has made me wiser. And for the most part I didn’t, but that didn’t mean that the influence of my own childhood didn’t somehow shape the father I became. No matter how your childhood was for you, it affords you the insight on how you’ll choose to be when you embark on the adventure of parenthood. And of course if you are about to or if you are already raising your children, this is only the beginning. It can and should be the most enjoyable ‘adventure’ of your life. It is kind of an adventure in that you only get to enjoy it as it unfolds. The best advice I could give parents in raising their children is to bring joy to every moment that you possibly can. It is in joy that the child creates the most optimal foundation of self love. Those first five years are so critical, it’s immeasurable.

Of course every year thereafter is critical as well but the child is the deliberate creator of his or her own story. And doing their next five years having become familiar with previous will be of great assistance. A low self esteem plays a difficult burden on the years in front of anyone. If you can be the best parent you can for the first 5 years, no doubt you will have trained yourself long enough to continue being that way. You are only teaching yourself really.

Just another note in this vast topic the most brilliant awareness information I have found for parenting is in the study of the law of attraction. Affirm the best in your child every time you can and find the best interpretations for the rest. Never emphasize apparent fault but look for aspects that work.

If you understand about the power of directing your emotions in a particular kind of way, I invite you to visit and learn about the iCap.

http://www.insightsforworkability.com

Biofeedback has advanced beyond our imagination. You can discover and manage your emotions such as to seek and discover more joy and happiness than you can imagine. And because of the personal computer, the cost is affordable and the advances have been remarkably pleasing.

Stop by when you can.
Leon Cautillo, Author/Instructor

Communicating calmly – parenting 101

The Parent — Mon, 14 May 2012 19:20:08 +0000

Communicating calmly - parenting 101

Kids and the Case of the Missing Tree’s

Years ago, we walked a mile to school without batting an eye. Then we walked back home, stopping often at the park to play unattended, unsupervised. After all, it was a park and kids were supposed to play there.

These were assumptions we took so placidly in those safer days before Madeleine McCann and Tori Stafford. The stories of these girls’ terrible abductions remind us that the situation confronting parents and caregivers is totally different in this day and age. Our kids are driven to school in buses and cars. We would think twice about letting them walk home alone, unsupervised. Allowing them to play alone in the park or woods behind the house is unthinkable.

The result is that our children are growing up with less personal contact with the natural world. As Richard Louv says in his book Last Child Out of the Woods: Saving Our Children from Nature Deficit Disorder, “Today, kids are aware of the global threats to the environment–but their physical contact, their intimacy with nature, is fading.”

Are We Depriving Our children of a Connection with Nature that is Essential for Positive Growth and Development?

This is the question Louv asks in his book. He makes a strong case for the consequences our children will suffer when deprived of an intimate relationship with the natural world. He makes the case for the growing rise of ADHD, ADD and other behavior problems as a direct consequence of a lack of contact with nature in our children’s lives. Nature Deficit Disorder is showing up as hyperactivity and violence in our society.

He cites studies that show how exposure to natural settings (even for 20 minutes) increases the capacity for attention and focus in children. Students who take a 20 minute walk in the park perform better on tests of memory and attention. Other research studies show that children in public housing who have access to green space perform better emotionally and intellectually than those who do not have such access. Tests also show that just looking at nature can improve test scores.

Investing in Children

Louv insists that time with nature and in nature is an act of investing in our children’s health. It allows them to reconnect with a fundamental part of ourselves that is larger than life and allows them to appreciate the wisdom of cyclical and universal forces.

Take our child hiking as often as we can.

Replace part of our lawn with native plant. Maintain a bird bath.

Have a pebble hunting party in the park or beach.

Build something with the stones and pebbles collected.

Build a tree house or fort in the backyard.

Give our children a pet. It can teach them so much about natural wisdom.

Make a daily Green Hour part of the family tradition.

Bianca Tora is a writer interested in the relationship between lifestyle and the brain, specifically the area of emotional regulation and control. She has published a book on anger management for children. Visit her at http://www.help-your-child-with-anger.com

Bullying in our schools? Who’s job is it?

The Parent — Thu, 10 May 2012 06:20:11 +0000

Bullying in our schools? Who’s job is it?

In his recent ABC news opinion column, “Want to Stop Bullies?” Lee Dye cites new studies that claim that:

Girls are more likely than boys to intervene to stop bullying than boys are.
Girls intervene more because they’re expected to by their parents, best friends and favorite teachers.
Popular males are more likely to pick on weaker boys, while unpopular, weaker but aggressive boys are more likely to pick on girls.

If we knew more we could design better programs to stop bullies.
There’s a simple formula, waiting to be discovered by further research that will tell us what to do so anyone, anywhere could use the blueprint and stop bullying in schools
We can’t have successful anti-bullying programs until we have more research.

Successful programs have the seven elements crucial to success:

The programs specify acceptable and unacceptable behavior.
Children are taught specifically what to do if they’re bullied or if they’re bystanders.
The programs involve everyone – school board members, police, principals, teachers, administrative staff and bus drivers, the kids, and at least a vocal, core group of parents.
Consequences are clear and effective action rapid.
Courageous and proactive administrators, school principals and teachers.
Kids are also trained at home not to bully and how to stop bullies.
All steps are implemented simultaneously.

Resources Cited: http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/DyeHard/Story?id=7517300&page=1

Parenting Video by Tony Hawkins

No more tears!

The Parent — Wed, 09 May 2012 18:50:07 +0000

No more tears!

Gaming Night is a great way to bond.

Does your heart yearn for family relationships as good as those portrayed in the 1970s television series “The Brady Bunch”? Adults, teenagers and younger children getting along despite the occasional squabble. It seems idyllic, but is it attainable?

Many families spend much of their weekend time going to a variety of sporting events, while television and the internet provide much of their weekly entertainment. With all these activities, there doesn’t seem much time to build family unity.

While our hearts may desire quality time with our children, this often occurs when we simply spend quantity time with them. Vacations and other special activities are good, but a weekly time of family togetherness can accomplish great things. Family games nights can fulfill this aim.

As an example, our family sets Wednesday nights as a family games night. We have a special meal and then play games for an hour or two. While there are many commercial games you can purchase, such as Monopoly(R), you could also play a different game every week for a year using nothing more than a handful of dice and a deck of cards. We like to play some favourite games and also try some new ones.

During one of our games nights we played Pig, a simple dice game that is suitable for all the family, using just one die. (The plural for die is dice.) Each player throws the die and adds their score for each throw until they choose to stop or until they throw a One. If they stop before they throw a One, they keep their score and add it to their score from any previous rounds, with the aim of being the first player to reach fifty points. However, a throw of One cancels their score for that round and ends their turn.

As we played, two of my sons developed very different strategies. One son chose to stop if he got to ten points in any round while another son would try to score 50 points every round. He often scored well over thirty points before crashing back to zero as he threw a One. We had so much fun watching them play that we chose to continue scoring to 100 points. (By the way, neither son won the game in the end!)

Other activities are useful for building family unity but games have the advantage of allowing everyone to play together, no matter what their age. Indeed, it can be very amusing to see a teenager or adult being beaten by a six year old. As well as having fun and building relationships, children learn many life skills (such as reading and/or counting) and social skills (like communications and team work). That sounds like an ideal combination – education, fun and family!

Andrew owns Family Games Treasurehouse which has rules for over a hundred family games. Visit http://www.family-games-treasurehouse.com and sign up for our free newsletter to download our ebook, “25 Family Dice Games”. This article is copyright but may be freely republished provided the text, author credit, site links and this copyright notice remain intact.

She born with it – let her keep it

The Parent — Wed, 09 May 2012 14:20:10 +0000

She born with it – let her keep it

Teens have changing bodies, and a lot of pressure to look and be a certain someone. This can be both good and bad, however, in many instances it can take a toll on their personal self image. Teens often have warped body images. The following are some tips for encouraging a healthy body image:

Help them create their own style: In many instances your teen is going to have an unhealthy body image because they see clothes that someone skinnier, or more curvy, or more buff, or taller can wear, and they do not look the same in them. So, help your child love their body by finding clothing and a style that works for them. They are never going to have a positive self image if they are trying to look good in clothes that do not flatter their body.

Do not let them debase themselves: One of the best things you can do for your teen when it comes to their body image is never allow them to put themselves down in your presence. Set firm rules about it. If you hear your teen say they are fat, or that they have ugly freckles, or that they are plain, or that their hair is too stringy, or that their legs are too hairy, or whatever they complain about, stop them dead in their tracks. Anytime you hear your teen say something they do not like about their body, make them tell you five things that they do. They have to know that complaining about their body, and hating themselves is not okay with you. Be strict about it, and be sure to tell them things that you love about them any time you hear them complain.

Talk about what appearance means: When your child is struggling with their body image, it is important to talk to them about what appearance and body image means. Help them to understand that images are different to different people. What one person likes, another may not. Just like you may be more attracted to blondes, than brunettes. Appearance is in the eye of the beholder, so your child needs to stop trying to make themselves look better for others, and simply make their body what will please them. Once your child understand this, body image, and having a more positive feeling about their own body will be easier.

Be a positive role model: If you want your teen to have a positive, healthy, body image, your best means of encouragement is to have one yourself. If your teen constantly hears you talk about dieting, and remaking yourself, wanting a better stomach, or whiter teeth, or whatever it may be, they will start feeling the same way. They will find that no matter what they look like, or how great their body is, it is not good enough. So, be careful to be positive about your own body, and never put yourself down in front of them, or it will give them permission to do the same about their own body. So, encourage a healthy body image through example. If you do not have a healthy body image, then fake it in front of your child.

For more parenting tips, visit http://www.surfnetparents.com

Summer fun with your kids

The Parent — Tue, 08 May 2012 16:20:08 +0000

Summer fun with your kids

With school out soon, parents either feel two things. 1)”Wow, I can’t wait to spend more time with my kids!” or 2)”Oh, boy, here we go. How will we fill their time?”

Parents who work outside the home have no choice but to send their kids to camps or daycares during the the day, but stay-at-home moms or dads need to get creative. If you need some ideas on how best to occupy your kids this summer then what follows will be just what you need.

In order for children to be happy and content four things need to be present in their day:

1) Routine
2) Stimulation
3) Free Play/Alone time
4) Sleep

How do we structure their days so that all four requirements are met? The following is what a typical day could look like:

8 am Kids wake up (or 9 am)

Eat a healthy breakfast

Have free time to play, watch a good quality children’s program (no fighting, violence, or quick flashing images) for a half hour or hour

Learn how to make or bake something with mommy or daddy. This can be a craft or a baked good.

Eat a healthy lunch

Put them down for a nap or if older, take them outside to:

a) a playground

b) a friends house (this way you can have a tea or coffee with another adult while the kids play!)

c) a play gym

d) walk somewhere (grocery store, post office, ice cream store)

e) take pictures of nature with a disposable or digital camera (Children love this! Give them a

brief lesson on how to focus on an object etc. then let them be creative with whatever they

want to capture) Make these pictures part of another day’s craft activity!

f) kick around a ball together

g) walk in the countryside

h) go to a museum

i) go to the zoo

j) send the kids on a scavenger hunt and after they find everything they can enjoy a homemade

popsicle or ice cream!

k) go to grandma and grandpa’s house

l) play catch

m) meet the working parent for his or her coffee break (how nice to visit them during the day for a

short coffee, tea, lemonade or chocolate milk!)

n) weed the garden or grass (believe it or not, some kids really like doing this! Put on some good

music and have an enjoyable time together)

o) take care of the garden plants by watering them, picking off dead leaves etc.

p) wash the car with buckets of soapy water, sponges and shammy cloths

q) turn on the sprinkler(s) and let the kids run through the water (you can either join in or read a

good book while they play)

Come home and let the children have some “Alone Time” (for you as well!)

Eat a healthy dinner

Spend some quality family time together

To bed no later than 9:00pm for younger children and 10pm for older children.

Voila! A perfect day that is routined and stimulating yet has plenty of free play and sleep.

Erin Kurt is currently the president of Erin Parenting, a company devoted to empowering parents with the tools, training and support they need to create the family life they truly want. She is also the author of Juggling Family Life. To learn more about her book and to sign up for more FREE tips like these, visit her site at http://erinparenting.com/

Stop Crying by Going Outside

Who should stop the bullying

The Parent — Sat, 05 May 2012 02:10:08 +0000

Who should stop the bullying

In his recent ABC news opinion column, “Want to Stop Bullies?” Lee Dye cites new studies that claim that:

Girls are more likely than boys to intervene to stop bullying than boys are.
Girls intervene more because they’re expected to by their parents, best friends and favorite teachers.
Popular males are more likely to pick on weaker boys, while unpopular, weaker but aggressive boys are more likely to pick on girls.

If we knew more we could design better programs to stop bullies.
There’s a simple formula, waiting to be discovered by further research that will tell us what to do so anyone, anywhere could use the blueprint and stop bullying in schools
We can’t have successful anti-bullying programs until we have more research.

Successful programs have the seven elements crucial to success:

The programs specify acceptable and unacceptable behavior.
Children are taught specifically what to do if they’re bullied or if they’re bystanders.
The programs involve everyone – school board members, police, principals, teachers, administrative staff and bus drivers, the kids, and at least a vocal, core group of parents.
Consequences are clear and effective action rapid.
Courageous and proactive administrators, school principals and teachers.
Kids are also trained at home not to bully and how to stop bullies.
All steps are implemented simultaneously.

Resources Cited: http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/DyeHard/Story?id=7517300&page=1

Parenting Help in Massachusetts

Who should stop the bullying

Who should stop the bullying

Parenting on the View

Give them the values they need

Give them the values they need

Imparting Good Values

Imparting Good Values

How to burb your kiddo

The importance of being a great parent for the first 5 years!

The importance of being a great parent for the first 5 years!

Communicating calmly – parenting 101

Communicating calmly - parenting 101

Kids and the Case of the Missing Tree’s

Bullying in our schools? Who’s job is it?

Bullying in our schools? Who’s job is it?

Parenting Video by Tony Hawkins

No more tears!

No more tears!

Gaming Night is a great way to bond.

She born with it – let her keep it

She born with it – let her keep it

Summer fun with your kids

Summer fun with your kids

Stop Crying by Going Outside

Who should stop the bullying

Who should stop the bullying

Use the blue bulb from the hospital to clear babies nose